I am at a loss for words. I have never been so upset with myself and so disgusted with my actions. I push everything by doing nothing and then I find myself on the edge of things and it doesn't even hit me until it's too late. I have to seriously get my shit together with school and start taking things seriously. I feel like such a failure right now. I don't want to think or talk about it and I just act so nonchalant when people bring up school, but I just want to tell them I fucked up and now I have to teach myself how to actually be a student all over again, without blaming it on my shitty high school or freshman year. It's just laziness, and it's fucking stupid.
I have to get help next semester and I should have this semester.
I keep feeling so upset because I let down my parents, even though I can't bring myself to tell them, and then I know that I have to do this for me, not them, and I get even more mad at myself because I dissapointed myself more than anything.